A reality rant

I feel the need to slap some of you with some reality.... You know who you are... So strap in... I'm about to be seriously politically incorrect.

We don't need to take America back. No one stole it. It's right here... you're sitting in it.  Relax and SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Mexico isn't going to pay for the wall, and we're not going to deport millions of people and break up families. If you think either one of these options is a viable idea, you're not very smart.

We don't live in a straight up democracy. Technically we are a Federal Republic. But we are actually ruled by an oligarchy. If you don't know what that is, look it up. Reading will do you good. You should probably do more of it.

FoxNews,  is not "fair and balanced" or in any way unbiased.  CNN and MSNBC have an agenda, to maximize ratings.  I'll say that again... read more. Read newspapers (even online ones). Read lots of opinions and sources and then THINK! Form your own god damned opinion based on as many facts as your can brain can tolerate. Don't regurgitate the crap you hear on the radio.

About facts... there actually is a genuine difference between facts, opinions and propaganda. You should learn the difference. Hey, Think of it as another opportunity to further enhance your reading skills.

Science is real. Period. Not an opinion. We know things because of science. Don't be afraid of it. You have air conditioning computers and Facebook because of science. It's your friend.

Global warming or "climate change" as the intelligentsia call it IS REAL. Period. Anyone who tells you it's not real is epically ignorant and probably should not be dressing themselves or caring for children.

Racism exists. And you are probably a little racist and should work on that. Seriously I know I do.


American Christians are not in any way under attack. You are not being persecuted. You wield so much power in this country that politicians pretend to be Christian just so you will vote for them. No one is trying to take your bible away from you. The gay people are not destroying our families -- we don't need any help from them, thank you. We do a fine job of that by ourselves. So stop saying Christians are persecuted. It's patently false and insulting.

Poor people need help. If you're not helping them, but loudly complaining about how the government helps them with your money you are not a nice person, and should not consider yourself a Christian.

Be nice to the people who teach your children. Don't send them nasty emails or yell at them. Their job is 10,000 times harder than your fucking job. You are not a professional educator so just shut your mouth and be thankful someone is willing to teach your offspring.

You don't know what Common Core is. You think you do, but you don't unless you're a teacher. So stop complaining about math problem memes on Facebook. You can't do the math anyway.

ISIS is not an existential threat to the United States. We do not need to rebuild our military. Our military is the strongest, scariest, most badass killing machine the world has ever seen.  OUr military is bigger than the next seven largest economies... COMBINED! So stop being such a wussy and stop letting politicians and pundits scare you.

Guns do in fact kill people. That's what they are designed to do. If you feel you need a gun to protect yourself in America, you are probably just afraid of everyone that is not you; or maybe living in the wrong neighborhood and should move before you go out and buy a gun. There are like a million places to live where you won't need a gun, or even need to lock your doors.

If you do own a gun, then make sure you know how to fucking use it really, really, really well. Seriously... get some actual training from a profesional, not your friend with a bunker; because you still don't know how to record stuff with your DVR. Go to the gun range and shoot the thing a lot. Learn how to clean it properly and be able to disassemble it and reassemble it with your eyes closed. It's a freaking gun and it deserves that level of care, proficiency and respect. And for God's sake, keep it locked up and away from your kids.

If you are even a little bit unhinged or pissed off... you shouldn't have a gun.And the Founding Fathers would totally agree with me.

Stop being suspicious of American Muslims. The guy sitting next to you in the cubicle at work is probably more of a threat to you than any Muslim since he has to listen to your ignorant ranting day after day.

Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck and all the rest are ENTERTAINERS! Stop getting your opinions from them, let alone anything resembling a fact, because they do not use any! (Here's where that reading thing can really be an advantage.)

Stop sharing Facebook memes that tell me to share or else Jesus won't bless me with a bucket full of cash. That's not how prayer works. And if you believe that is how prayer works, they you are not very smart and should just be quiet.

We are the God Damn United States of America, and we CAN afford to... house every homeless veteran, feed every child, and take in every refugee and still have money left over for pizza and beer!

Unless you can trace your family line back to someone who wore buckskins and could field strip a buffalo, you are a descendant of an immigrant. Shut the fuck up with the bullshit that immigrants are ruining our country. Such comments are simply laced with historical ignorance, latent racism and xenophobia, all wrapped with a fascist bow, so STOP IT!

There.....